I Just Want to Be Bad
July 11, 2007
No worries, Mom. I’m talking about writing.
I’ve been in editing mode for so long that creating mode is really freaking me out. If you think writing comes naturally to writers, think again. It’s hard, hard work, and most often our rough drafts are nasty rough.
I’m still in the early stages of the first draft of my book Shelf Life. I love the story. It’s far more complex than the last book I wrote. I’ve even written a nine-page outline of the thing, but where I am right now in the story is a black hole. I don’t know how we’ll get from here to where the action becomes clear again, and each time I sit down to write, I remember that the laundry needs to be folded or that I haven’t checked my e-mail in about 3 minutes or that my kids probably need their glasses refilled.
Frankly, I’m scared to type. I know it’s going to be — gulp — horribly bad.
But lately the desire to write has been building, no matter how awful my rough draft might be. I just want to write bad if that’s what it takes to get it on paper. And sadly, that’s what it will mean — rough drafts that will never see the light of day. If they do, I’ll be absolutely mortified.
But that draft is the building block to the finished product. I know that once I get those scenes on paper, once I print them out and sit down with my red pen and bleed all over the thing, I’ll have a good idea of what I need to add, what I need to delete, and what kind of work I’m looking at in my rewrite.
I can’t wait to get to that rewrite.
I’ll never get there if I don’t glue myself to my laptop and write a pathetic first draft.
So, deep breath, it’s time to do it. Time to step away from the e-mail, set my timer for the dryer, and let the kids refill their own glasses.
I’ve got to write.
Badly.
Comments
4 Responses to “I Just Want to Be Bad”
I’m so glad to know I’m not alone! One of the reasons I take the laptop elsewhere to write is so I will quit checking my email and be unavailable on the IM. I’m so weak. And chores never look so inviting as when I need to write.
You wait a full 3 minutes between email checks? Girl, you got willpower! I totally get where you’re at, though, because I look forward to my rewrite too. I think with the 1st draft I need to figure out exactly how my story will play out. Like you, it didn’t matter how much pre-work I did, my story still took some unexpected directions. Rewrites are way less scary, but there’s only one way to get there….
Yes, Sally, I know exactly what you mean! I hear people complain about rewriting and can’t understand it. I love rewriting. At least there’s something already there. But when you start from scratch and look at that blank computer screen with the little cursor blinking at you, and you have absolutely nothing there yet–what horror! I’m with you, I’m trying to press ahead and get a draft of any kind, no matter how horrible, just so I’ll have something to work on.
[...] Bradley confesses, “I Just Want to Be Bad” as she talks about the struggle to get that first draft [...]